Tag: tbi

My 3rd Christmas as a brain injury sufferer.
Over the last few month i’ve been spending lots of time exercising (weights, running etc) which has helped me stay in a positive frame of mind, even during times which to be fair would have pushed anyone to the limit/edge (more on that in future posts).

Several other things are fucking with my head mentally, (again i will get that off my chest in future posts) which I think are contributing to my latest bout of insomnia. During the 3 week build up to xmas the quality sleep i’ve been getting has lessened each night, some nights as little as 2 hours.

I was prescribed a weeks worth of sleeping tablets which helped me fall asleep some nights for as long as 12 hours but left me feeling groggy and run down the following day, thus not benefitting from the sleep. And leaving me too tired to exercise which in turn adds to low mood.

Insomnia is a common symptom of TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) and during my recovery i’ve had many periods of bad sleep, sometimes without any trigger to them. This one has a trigger, the uncertainty of my future. 2 1/2 years down the line lots of things hang in the balance.

So Xmas No.3. Although i’m stronger and further into my recovery than i’ve ever been, out of the 3 Christmases since my brain injury this xmas has been the most detached and absent minded one I’ve had, saved only by a joyous xmas dinner with a good friend of mine, his girlfriend & her family.

(Its boxing day as I sit writing this, listening to that, thinking of the other)

Spending time with someone else’s family worked out far better and less stressful than being in the same room as my own blood, which i’m sure many people can relate to.

(just grabbing a glass of water)

I’ve always felt a detachment from ‘reality’ since forever, well from the reality I thought everyone else was experiencing anyway, its that age old question “What is Normal?” ….. Working 5 days a week or more to earn enough money to have a house you can barely afford?! With a small enough amount of money left to make it acceptable for you to complain about being skint to your friends over a beer, friends who earn more but they also complain about how skint they are, but only after they’ve told you about the holiday they’ve just booked and the brand new car they plan to buy!
Is that normal?? Not to me its not, it never was but its even less so now. You can shove that shit up your jumper.

We all live on borrowed time, living on borrowed money is more destructive.

(Gregory Isaacs tunes playing, calming to my soul)

Being able to have my kids Xmas day evening was a blessing, still being alive is a blessing enough but now being able to care for them myself is priceless! I watched them open their presents. Tried to answer the dozens of questions they both fired at me simultaneously, grabbed food, drinks as they requested them.

Now because of the cognitive issues my brain injury has caused i struggle to cope with busy,demanding hectic situations sometimes, lack of sleep exasperates these feelings. But because my kids are my life and i have managed to re-train my brain slightly to cope to a certain level with these situations i managed to get through it. “Just getting through it” is not ideal, i’d like to be able to enjoy these experiences fully but at this point in my recovery “just getting through it” will do for me.

Christmas has reminded me that fatigue doesn’t just disappear, nearly 3 years into recovery along with brain-fog, confusion etc its all still very present.

This is my first blog post and i know its slightly erratic but i’m learning how to use this site. Future posts will get more concise i’m sure. Hang in there…Onwards and Upwards.

To conclude,

Happy new year. I hope 2017 brings you miracles.

W